SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - How do I start with having the 'setting boundaries' coversation?

reverse · 10-14-2009, 02:42 PM

Mandjas,

I had difficulty writing the letter that I did to my mom last week. Prior to that, I refused to answer her phone calls for almost three weeks. I was taking an honest and hard look at my relationship with her, trying to figure out what is the best step to take next and how to approach her. The problem was, i was racking my brain forever trying to figure out how to allow my mom to come and see my newborn child. I didn't approve of nor feel comfortable with any of the methods that she was suggesting. Therefore, i shared with her some of my thoughts and set conditions down (see the thread "moving on" I included my email in there). As of today, it has been approximately a week since she has responded. I'm not sure if she'll ever talk to me again being the fact that she thinks I'm a creep for expecting her to drive herself to see her newborn grandaughter like a normal person. There is no excuse as to of why she should not have her driver's license other than she's too lazy to spend a day doing it. She's that bad of a drunk...still the same ever since I grew up living with her. So, being that she refuses to change her life in any constructive way, why should I give her the privilege of seeing her grandkid by going out of my way to pick her up from various places, risk her lying to me about my stepdad driving her, deal with her bad attitude and someone who flat out is only concerned about herself when it comes down to it? Sure she is nice to me on the phone when i talk about my children, but in terms of the long-term...she is not willing to do what it takes to be involved in my life and my children's. So I'm not going to go out of my way to cater to her so that she is included. That's her job. Sure she adores my kids....but not enough to clean up her act...so...tough love...too bad so sad. She can't see my kids b/c she won't get a license. i wouldn't want her behind the wheel anyway! Does it suck? Sure it does...but not as bad as enabling her would.

10-14-2009, 02:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
reverse Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 77	Mandjas, I had difficulty writing the letter that I did to my mom last week. Prior to that, I refused to answer her phone calls for almost three weeks. I was taking an honest and hard look at my relationship with her, trying to figure out what is the best step to take next and how to approach her. The problem was, i was racking my brain forever trying to figure out how to allow my mom to come and see my newborn child. I didn't approve of nor feel comfortable with any of the methods that she was suggesting. Therefore, i shared with her some of my thoughts and set conditions down (see the thread "moving on" I included my email in there). As of today, it has been approximately a week since she has responded. I'm not sure if she'll ever talk to me again being the fact that she thinks I'm a creep for expecting her to drive herself to see her newborn grandaughter like a normal person. There is no excuse as to of why she should not have her driver's license other than she's too lazy to spend a day doing it. She's that bad of a drunk...still the same ever since I grew up living with her. So, being that she refuses to change her life in any constructive way, why should I give her the privilege of seeing her grandkid by going out of my way to pick her up from various places, risk her lying to me about my stepdad driving her, deal with her bad attitude and someone who flat out is only concerned about herself when it comes down to it? Sure she is nice to me on the phone when i talk about my children, but in terms of the long-term...she is not willing to do what it takes to be involved in my life and my children's. So I'm not going to go out of my way to cater to her so that she is included. That's her job. Sure she adores my kids....but not enough to clean up her act...so...tough love...too bad so sad. She can't see my kids b/c she won't get a license. i wouldn't want her behind the wheel anyway! Does it suck? Sure it does...but not as bad as enabling her would.