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summerwind-
please reconsider going to an AA meeting. no one there is going to judge you. you don't even have to say anything. you can just listen and say nothing. everyone understands there, having walked a mile in your shoes.
one idea is for you to call your local AA and ask to be "12-stepped". this means that someone will meet you and talk to you, outside of a meeting.
remember, if you ask for help you help that helper alcoholic stay sober, by helping you. so it all comes around in a beautiful way.
why go through this alone? there is strength in the group. that's part of how it works.
thinking of you.
naive
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