Thanks... The time when my soon to be x-wife and I split up there first time it hurt like HEII. I wanted nothing more to get back with her save her protect her shelter her. Ya know the things a good caring person does when they love somone. The problem is she couldn't and really never loved me back. She said she does or did or whatever but she cant. She is one of those if it benefits me at the moment types of people. A person that sacrifices for her not for anyone else. What is good for her in the moment is all that matters. This time that it is over again I look at it different and I am amazed. YEs it still hurts because when I care for someone its uncoditional I don't expect anything in return you would like it but ultimately you are there for them. I helped her try to be a better person try to change her life and allowed myself to get into bad things. Its not her fault it can never be anyones fault I put the needle in my arm I put the pipe in my mouth I put the powder in my nose. But at the same time when I was strong for her she wouldn't be strong for me and that is like throwing gasoline on a fire with 2 addicts. I am at the point were I know that I did more for her then probably anyone will ever do. I did more for here then her family more for her then any friend I was there in good and bad. So I have come to peace and did my duty. I gave it my best and she didn't want it. Its sad to say she id going to end up messed up in a bad place dead or in jail. You are right people don't change for others they usually dont even change for themselves. I am a little messed up from it though it was the longest relationship I have had all of my adult life. since I neglected every other relationship I am at a battle with my heart and mind. I feel sometimes like that is the way it is supposed to be that is what love is because that is what I have learned and experienced and then I think I wont be able to find someone else I wont be able to find someone that will want to care about. Really depressing nonsence. Then my heart kicks in and says YOUR NUTS your a great person look at how you think about others look at your feeling your thoughts your emotions look at how you cared for someone close to 9-10 years that made an effort to hold you back kick you down hurt you look at how you kept getting up. My heart says you are a wonderful person and anyone should be thankful to be with you. So see it is sort of a Crazy battle between concious unconcious and heart. The HEART is definately starting to WIN!!!! On that note to just to recap another thought that is why people on here are so awsome because they are changing and that is so hard to do. To change your life and make that commitment is special and rare. What a magical thing. Social work would be cool I like motivational speaking I think that is why I am really good with sales and people. Well thankyou as always and I hope you and your family are doing well that is a great thing too!
