HELLO EVERYONE! WOW THANKS FOR GETTING THIS THREAD YOU ALL ROCK! I didnt know if it would work but it seems like it is and that is a great thing. So thanks again for everyone that shared. Ok had a really good day again. Finished training with my job so that is my positive note. Alright so there is no doubt I am an addict. I am fully aware. I am aware of everything that can go wrong. Fully in tune with all my emotions, desires, wants, then needs. So lets focus on the needs. I don't need dope. I don't need the pain. I don't need the heartache. I don't need the constant cycle of make it break it start over if I don't die this time around. (I mean seriously how many years can I stay lucky before I end up in jail or dead) I think the 15 years I have contibuted is long enough. I guess for me I had to go through these cycles to get to I don't want and ENOUGH!!! I think it will be very hard for anyone to truely want to become and stay clean until they can get to the awareness of how bad the high really is. It maybe a sudden gratification but come on IS IT WORTH THE HEII THAT SHORTLY FELLOWS. Is it worth the pain you bring to everyone and everything around! Everyone has had pain with drugs there is no way you can't take that pain take it out of the barried place in your heart and bring it to the surface the next time you get an URGE! This is what happens for me. I use too get and still do will probably forever get that saliva in the mouth the tickle in the back of the throat the tingle in your upper lip you know that 5 secs of euphoria but now I realate it to the pain the loss of everything the loss of all my friends the pain of family the loss of relationship the loss of job All the good things I threw away All the Money I pis@ed Away the 1000's gone for what. When I do this that tingle Turns to a DULL EMPTY FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH! Then think abut Every Person I HURT Along the way and then I feel like I want to Through Up and Cry! You wanna stay Clean you want a new life The Easiest thing to help you is instead of remembering the good remember the BAD and it should keep you away. There isn't enough good things from drugs to ever overcome the BAD!!!! NEVER EVER!!! Well Remember life is a gift and not a given right... (These are just thoughts and opinions what works for me may not work for others but you can never have too much knowledge or sources of hope) Thanks for listening Everyone!!!!!!:ghug3