Mellane and trapeze. I know what you mean. I've often said that my AH does not give love or share love. His love *for* me feels like he is taking something *away* from me.
It is a very odd thing. I haven't figured it out yet and I might even own some of that (maybe I would feel like that in a healthy relationship even) - I don't really know. I do know that I had and have that feeling with both love and intimacy from him. It makes me feel vulnerable in away I can't put my finger on. A little used and not quite real. He has an image in his head and he sees that, loves that, and responds to that - not the flesh and blood person.
Sometimes our life is like one big game of chess. He's the King and I'm the Queen and the other pieces are family members etc. just protecting the King. He plays us all. He plays me, he protects me, I'm valuable to him. But I'm still just a piece of the game. I'm just rolling around in the box getting banged up with all the other pieces. He doesn't protect me, I protect him. I'm sick of that one way street. I've sprouted legs and walked off the board - and believe it or not, once I did that most of the other pieces followed me. The King will have to play solo for a little while. I imagine that will be lonely and exhausting.
