[swampy]

Hey guys.. what's up? I was just thinking how alone I felt when I had 18 months of sobriety last time. alone by not meeting other people and dating. I felt like i was going crazy.now I have about 3 days, I have relapsed about 5 times in the last 2 months. Was the real me just boring? I just did not feel attractive, when I was drinking I would approach women and be successfull sometimes. I thought by that time (18 months) I would have had the "special person" and just more going on, hence that is why I relapsed. Stupid, i know. I take anti-depression meds and they seemed to worked until about 8 months ago. sorry rambling again. In my life I have just always seemed so by myself and not connected to anyone, like an outsider. I have or had alot going for me, talented graphic designer, I am told nice looking, musical talents. Now I am unemployed, kicked out my band, and living with parents. I know I am all over the place with this posting, but there was just this constant loneliness in sobriety. I have a meeting home group and have been to others, just cannot seem to connect. My sponsor says I sometimes look unapproachable, because I do not smile alot. I don't know, I am a mess again and trying to get back on track. Thanks for reading.