Cool.
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he's a) awake and getting stuff done and b) leaving me alone c) interacting with the kids.
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Try to just stay in the present moment and allow yourself to enjoy this without expectation or wish that it will continue. Like my mom says, 'close your heart' on this one.
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He quit drinking when he finally accepted we are over but he couldn’t choose that for me/with me.
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I doubt this is true. Whether or not he is able to quit drinking permanently honestly has nothing to do with you. It's a disease, not a reflection on you.
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I’m so sad. ... I feel like this fundamentally flawed person that either doesn’t know how to be happy or love, doesn’t know how to make other people happy or be loved, or just doesn’t deserve it.
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Me, too.