[Thumper]

I’m having such a hard weekend and day today. I’m so sad. I’m losing so much. AH went back and got some ativan to detox with and hasn't drank since Thursday. Who knows if it will last but he's a) awake and getting stuff done and b) leaving me alone c) interacting with the kids. All good. He quit drinking when he finally accepted we are over but he couldn’t choose that for me/with me. I feel like this fundamentally flawed person that either doesn’t know how to be happy or love, doesn’t know how to make other people happy or be loved, or just doesn’t deserve it. My kids are going beserk. They fight every minute of the day. One cries over everything and the other is so angry and mean with everyone all the time. I feel like I’ve ruined everything. I don’t trust my AH. I don’t trust myself. I’m so afraid of tomorrow. I think I'm just engaging in one giant pity party and I don't know how to get over it.