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Originally Posted by takincareome  It IS sad, but I understand completely. I've had my parents (AF and codie mom) at arm's length for the first time in my life -- detachment, getting away from enmeshment/dependent relationship with my mom, who always wanted me to be her caretaker -- and frankly I've never been happier. It's sad that that's what it takes, though, isn't it?
It sounds like your head is in the right place. I would encourage you to maybe try some al-anon meetings. It may or may not be your thing, but there are some useful lessons you can take away from it. There are a number of books on the market about ACOAs, dysfunctional families, toxic parents etc. Some are better than others but they're all useful to some degree. I'd recommend "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It doesn't all apply to ACOAs -- there is quite a bit in there about physical and sexual abuse -- but I found it extremely helpful nonetheless.
Meanwhile, focus on what you're already focusing on: Your family and your children. And remember the three C's: You didn't CAUSE the alcoholism (or the accompanying lies, excuses and behavior): You can't CONTROL it: and you can't CURE it.
And also please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing. I'm fairly new to this group but I've found it to be full of warm, friendly, caring people who understand exactly what you're talking about. 
Hugs. Be gentle with yourself. |
Thanks takincareofme for your input and reminding me of the 3 C's. This group is the first time I've ever heard of that before and it does help tremendously. It;s amazing how much I"ve tried to bend and mold my life and my actions, behaviors, beliefs in order to get someone to change their harmful behavior. I've tried absolutly everything accept for taking care of me.
I think in the past I have read toxic parents before...the sections on physical/emotional abuse. Trust after trauma was another really good one as well as Healing the Child within. Those were pivotal. An amazing book on Boundaries was called exactly that...Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. Boundaries is written from a more religious perspective (christianity) and was a book I studied for a long time in my life when I lived out in WA.
I think I am going to seriously consider going to Al-anon or ACoA meetings. I did go to an al-anon meeting when I was 18 but disliked it b/c I was looking for solutions to cure my parents/family and didn't really understand at that point that it was beyond my control. Also, I was in need of serious counseling at the time and meetings like that didn't much for me at the time.
My husband and I made a song called "Alcoholic Doll" three years ago that's on a cd available to purchase online at Itunes or Cdbaby. If anyone is curious to listen to it let me know. It really helped put things in perspective for me at that time.
Take care and thx again.
