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Originally Posted by reverse  As sad as this sound, I have to be honest in saying that my life is honestly better and happier when I don't think they exist....almost as if they are dead. |
It IS sad, but I understand completely. I've had my parents (AF and codie mom) at arm's length for the first time in my life -- detachment, getting away from enmeshment/dependent relationship with my mom, who always wanted me to be her caretaker -- and frankly I've never been happier. It's sad that that's what it takes, though, isn't it?
It sounds like your head is in the right place. I would encourage you to maybe try some al-anon meetings. It may or may not be your thing, but there are some useful lessons you can take away from it. There are a number of books on the market about ACOAs, dysfunctional families, toxic parents etc. Some are better than others but they're all useful to some degree. I'd recommend "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward. It doesn't all apply to ACOAs -- there is quite a bit in there about physical and sexual abuse -- but I found it extremely helpful nonetheless.
Meanwhile, focus on what you're already focusing on: Your family and your children. And remember the three C's: You didn't CAUSE the alcoholism (or the accompanying lies, excuses and behavior): You can't CONTROL it: and you can't CURE it.
And also please keep posting here and let us know how you're doing. I'm fairly new to this group but I've found it to be full of warm, friendly, caring people who understand exactly what you're talking about.
Hugs. Be gentle with yourself.