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dothi · 10-07-2009, 06:52 AM

Hey P&H! What is the worrying going to do for you? Is it going to change her behavior?

This part sucks because you are so well trained to be on standby for damage control. What's really happening is now that your boundaries are in place, a reality you never before considered in all your years growing up is revealing itself: your AM CAN manage fine without you. You're so used to the other reality that you accepted for so many years that this new one is so uncomfortable that it feels wrong. Really, when have you ever experienced a quiet evening after one of your AM's attempt to pull you into her drama?

Whether this is the calm before the next storm, whether she's wracking her brain for a new strategy, or whether she's actually maturing as a result of dealing with a consequence of her own behavior, you are more than amply prepared to handle whatever may come. If there's any benefit to being an ACOA it would have to be that, IMO

FWIW I had similar anxiety when I started cutting my parents off. What happened in fact was they managed just fine without me, which actually hurt me all over again. I almost couldn't believe it; my well-trained brain kept waiting for that other shoe to drop. It took some time for it to sink in. Afterwards I sobered up and realized that all that time and energy I spent trying to fix their problems... was wasted and stolen. It took me to a whole other level of recovery - going from understanding to experiencing.

10-07-2009, 06:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
dothi Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Anywhere but the mainstream. Posts: 402	Hey P&H! What is the worrying going to do for you? Is it going to change her behavior? This part sucks because you are so well trained to be on standby for damage control. What's really happening is now that your boundaries are in place, a reality you never before considered in all your years growing up is revealing itself: your AM CAN* manage fine without you. You're so used to the other reality that you accepted for so many years that this new one is so uncomfortable that it feels wrong. Really, when have you ever experienced a quiet evening* after one of your AM's attempt to pull you into her drama? Whether this is the calm before the next storm, whether she's wracking her brain for a new strategy, or whether she's actually maturing as a result of dealing with a consequence of her own behavior, you are more than amply prepared to handle whatever may come. If there's any benefit to being an ACOA it would have to be that, IMO FWIW I had similar anxiety when I started cutting my parents off. What happened in fact was they managed just fine without me, which actually hurt me all over again. I almost couldn't believe it; my well-trained brain kept waiting for that other shoe to drop. It took some time for it to sink in. Afterwards I sobered up and realized that all that time and energy I spent trying to fix their problems... was wasted and stolen. It took me to a whole other level of recovery - going from understanding to experiencing.