I do AA. For me, the first part of the process of finding a HP was recognizing that alcohol had become my higher power- that it was running my life, that so many of my "decisions" were in service to my addiction. Long story short I think of my HP as 'mindfulness'. I still identify as atheist. This may or may not make sense to you or anyone else but it makes sense and works for me.
Second question: I consider myself a part of traditional AA. The Lord's Prayer used to really chap my @ss... now I just remain silent and think about the sense of community we are all experiencing as it is being said. The other thing in general is oh... most of "we agnostics"
I enter this thread verrrry cautiously... taking you at your word that you are not trying to start a debate but instead asking for people to share their ES&H.