hi bigjohn, welcome to sr. this is a great place to be. i'm a recovering addict married to an active addict. i totally agree with the posters above. in my opinion, the posters above is showing tough love, like ann said, i guess it depend on who's the interpreter.
it took for my family to totally step aside and allow me to fall, suffering the consequences of my own bad choices before i became desperate enough to seek help for myself. there is nothing much else you can do to help an addict aside from doing all you can to help yourself.
as long as my family helped me by supplying me with food, a warm place to crash and whatever else i could con them out of, it helped me to be more able to supply my own drug habit. bottom line, the more they helped me, the more i was able to continue my drug use. sorry but she won't stop until she is ready, no matter what you do or say, the choice is hers and hers alone.
after 21yrs of the same old addictive behavior, i finally had to separated myself from my husband of 23yr, trying to cope with his addiction, it was literally driving me insane.
i will keep you and yours in my prayers.