[cjsg]

The only thing I can think of is the following and it is going to require a lot of self control. How about either coming clean with your doctor and ask if might give you another chance to use the Sub as directed, or stop shooting the **** and use the sub and taper off of it as you were supposed to do in the first place. You know it isn't going to be pleasant to start taking it orally, but damn brother, where do you turn when you have managed to abuse the most used replacement drug. You may even consider going into a medical detox. If you aren't ready to stop chasing the buzz then no pill is going to be able to help you get off anything. And don't you have someone to give you your dose so you do not abuse them? Srry if I sound pissy, I just really am flabbergasted that drug addicts go in for sub treatment and walk out with a prescription to a narcotic and really think they are going to be able to control their own doses. I would reccomend going to any lengths to find someone to help you in that area because you cannot control this stuff. And it isn't because you are a bad person... we are just addicts.. we don't control our addiction. I think you know you are going to have to get serious here.. you are screwing up your chance for a pretty comfortable , slow detox through tapering. I guarantee you if you start the sub correctly and choose to take part in meetings or some outpatient program, that you will completely be able to handle tapering off subs. I dreaded the tapers but I found that the anxiety that I caused myself thinking about and dreading the tapers was, indeed much worse than the discomfort of the taper. Your mindset greatly influences your reality.. if you are really done with the buzz then you will be willing to put up with a little discomfort in order to achieve the end result.
I wish you luck, I really do... I can only tell you that I did the sub route, but from the beginning of the second week I surrendered control of my medication. I m ignorant, but I'm not so stupid that I would trust myself. I wonder sometimes if we don't almost already know what we are planning to do and thats why we don't give up the pills to someone else. In either instance, it isn't relevant here. If you want to use sub, either start taking them as you were ordered, go to a detox center and just get off the crap... all of it, or come clean with doc. If I were in your shoes, those would be the three things I would consider. Adding some sort of recovery plan is a good idea for most. Meetings, outpatient, or SOMETHING.
So far, life without subs isn't as bad as I thought it might be for me. If I can do it, geeesh anyone can... you just have to clear your head, get pointed in the right direction, and STOP the IV ing. Make the change man. You were strong enough to take some steps.. decide now that you are done and go ahead and follow through. I did IV as well I know how very hard it is to start even start thinking about taking something orally after having gone IV... but you absolutely have to if you intend on using the sub. If you cannot then your only viable option may be a medical detox as you cannot seem to adhere to any replacement therapy and any further maintenance/replacement therapy would only serve to lengthen your active addiction. Good luck.. please be careful and think long and hard about where you are headed and where you want to end up. Take care of yourself...do the right thing. With time you can and will be able to feel happy without ANYTHING I swear
Chris