I found this quote out there in cyberspace. Says it much better than I could:
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~Ambrose Redmoon
Staying clean is more important than fear. I know it's scary. Most all of us have felt it, but facing the fear sure as hell is easier and less painful than returning to active addiction.
Am I saying if you don't go to a meeting, you'll go back to using? No, I'm not. I'm saying that my experience trying to stay clean without making any other changes resulted in a misery that was worse than using and being unable to stop. Each time I "white knuckled," the pain of being clean sent me back out. Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. I urge you to do something, don't sit still too long. First prayer, then meetings, then step work, then lots more prayer and action has worked for me. Whatever you choose to do, I pray you start soon.
Peace & Love,
Sugah