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argo · 09-30-2009, 12:12 PM

As for the MJ card, initially when I started smoking it was just for relaxation and insomnia. I've always had difficulty falling and staying asleep and it seems to be worse now but who knows maybe it's just in my head. I got the card for chronic pain and the loss of appetite from the pills.

The loss of appetite though is definitely not just in my head. Even before I quit I wouldn't eat all day, until I smoked which immediately made my stomach ache from lack of food. So the only time I would ever eat is if I smoked. And to be honest I know not eating isn't healthy but that is a side effect I'd take to get rid of the pain.

I guess why I really want to get off them is because I don't feel in control. I've done a lot of drugs in the past, lets just say pretty much everything shy of shooting up. But the drugs never controlled me. If I wanted to quit I quit, simple as that. With these pills though even taking as prescribed I feel I'm abusing them . I've never ran out early or had to buy off the street, never took more than my daily dosage, though would double up a dose sometimes if the pain was really bad and the first pill wasn't working well enough. But what I would do is take one as soon as I started to feel the pain coming back, just so it would never get to the unbearable levels.

Right now I know I'm physically dependent on the pills and I guess that scares me more than anything. What happens if I lose my job or my insurance? I've only been on them for 6-7 months now but it really scares me to think 3 years down the road I could get laid off or lose my insurance. And then what? I mean I guess I could go to a methadone clinic if that ever happened but it's just really not how I want to live my life. I'd rather deal with the addiction/dependency on my terms than be forced into it. And it's really not something I'd want to deal with at the same time as dealing with the stress of losing my job. There's also a high chance my work is going to be dropping my health plan soon and only offering a high deductible plan which means I'd be paying for these visits out of pocket. Being a single father that barely scrapes by each month the added cost of healthcare could really hurt.

And because of that I think I've gotten into a hoarding mentality. Where I want to lie to my doctor about how much I'm taking just so I can stockpile them. So I basically feel the drug is controlling my behavior instead of me. And that has never happened before.

09-30-2009, 12:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
argo Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 5	Hi Mary Jo As for the MJ card, initially when I started smoking it was just for relaxation and insomnia. I've always had difficulty falling and staying asleep and it seems to be worse now but who knows maybe it's just in my head. I got the card for chronic pain and the loss of appetite from the pills. The loss of appetite though is definitely not just in my head. Even before I quit I wouldn't eat all day, until I smoked which immediately made my stomach ache from lack of food. So the only time I would ever eat is if I smoked. And to be honest I know not eating isn't healthy but that is a side effect I'd take to get rid of the pain. I guess why I really want to get off them is because I don't feel in control. I've done a lot of drugs in the past, lets just say pretty much everything shy of shooting up. But the drugs never controlled me. If I wanted to quit I quit, simple as that. With these pills though even taking as prescribed I feel I'm abusing them . I've never ran out early or had to buy off the street, never took more than my daily dosage, though would double up a dose sometimes if the pain was really bad and the first pill wasn't working well enough. But what I would do is take one as soon as I started to feel the pain coming back, just so it would never get to the unbearable levels. Right now I know I'm physically dependent on the pills and I guess that scares me more than anything. What happens if I lose my job or my insurance? I've only been on them for 6-7 months now but it really scares me to think 3 years down the road I could get laid off or lose my insurance. And then what? I mean I guess I could go to a methadone clinic if that ever happened but it's just really not how I want to live my life. I'd rather deal with the addiction/dependency on my terms than be forced into it. And it's really not something I'd want to deal with at the same time as dealing with the stress of losing my job. There's also a high chance my work is going to be dropping my health plan soon and only offering a high deductible plan which means I'd be paying for these visits out of pocket. Being a single father that barely scrapes by each month the added cost of healthcare could really hurt. And because of that I think I've gotten into a hoarding mentality. Where I want to lie to my doctor about how much I'm taking just so I can stockpile them. So I basically feel the drug is controlling my behavior instead of me. And that has never happened before.