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I'm so sorry that you are having to do this. I can't tell you how to taper off oxy because I failed at that many, many, many times. But if you are not an addict, it may work for you, if you stick to it exactly as your doctor tells you to do it. Every addict tries it, and if they are addicts, they pretty much all fail. But try it, maybe you are not an addict????
It is normal for you to be depressed tapering and after you quit completely for a while, because opiates like oxy will increase the way the feel-good chemicals work in your brain (endorphin levels) so much that your brain learns to not function properly in this way without the oxy. That is why oxy makes you feel euphoric (until the dreaded crashes). But as you may have discovered, eventually even high levels of oxy no longer get you high anymore. They just get you well or normal. And you may have found that you are ill if you go without.
You are on a pretty high (but not unheard of) dose of oxy now. Tapering might take some time if you are not to be sick.
I wasn't successful with it, as I said, and I ended up seeing an addictionologist after trying on my own for a few months. He put me on suboxone for a while, and that is much easier, at least for most people, to taper off of. It didn't get me high, and I was fine on just 4-8 mg a day. It made my life normal. No more ups, no more downs.
But I was really ready to give up getting high. I was fine with just feeling normal, not depressed, not high. Suboxone is for those who are done getting high.
In addition, I had to go to NA meetings most days and get a sponsor and work steps to work on the inside feelings that I was running from. The meetings are really what changed my life and made me feel like I was not just quitting a substance, but was improving and feeling happy for the first time, maybe ever.
Let me know what you decide. If you are going to taper, or try it, we'll all be hopeful that it works better than it did for me.
Love,
KJ
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