| Where I was
I was facing the consequences of going to work drunk. Latest strategy failed me. I was deep in disgust with myself. Mortified. I had let this THING risk the lives of people on the road, my own livelihood, the livelihood of my colleagues, the happiness of everyone who cared for me.
I was (am) waiting for a place at the center.
I was trying to gain insight. How had I gotten here? When had it happened? How could I have let it go on? How had I kidded and deluded myself like this?
I was researching. I found I was abysmally ignorant about alcoholism. I knew I had it, but knew little about it.
I realized I couldn't change the past, no matter how crushingly I wanted to. I knew I had to find a way to face the world again. I knew I had to forgive myself, not easy. I hope to be forgiven by others. I'll work to be worthy of it. But whether anybody else forgives me, I knew I had to forgive myself. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter if they did.
I was searching the web for recovering alcoholics who went on to achieve decent, respectable lives. I stumbled on a thread here at SR.
And here I am.
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