[ClayTheScribe]

I struggle with self-destructive thoughts on a near daily basis. I agree with eog and would add a few things. I've found the best thing to counteract those thoughts is to do things that nurture yourself, such as:

--exercising (the best thing you can do to regain some control)
--watch/listen to/read something that makes you laugh out loud
--listen to calming or happy music, or angry/dark music if that helps
--watch a favorite movie
--take a bubble bath
--masturbate/have sex
--buy yourself a treat to eat
--go for a walk/be with nature
--(try to) meditate
--go hang out with a good friend so they can remind you why you're not worthy of self-destruction.
--do something creative to release that negative energy/thought
--destroy something of no value to you or anyone else like a box or a piece of wood, if that helps
-- basically do the opposite of the self-destructive thought and get an endorphin release that doesn't involve hurting yourself.

Also I'd encourage a little CBT. So when a self-destructive thought comes through your mind's eye, label it as self-destructive or as a distortion, reassess meaning treat the thought as a hypothesis, is this true, what evidence do I have that I deserve to suffer, would a friend think the same should happen to me; reconstruct the thought based on the evidence then say I feel _____ (better, less negative, more positive, the thought is less intense) about the original thought. Here's an exercise to do with an pen and a paper along those same lines:

"So, if you are not a clinician, how can you incorporate cognitive restructuring into your daily life? Step one is to notice each time you're in a bad mood during the course of the coming week. When you notice your negative mood, write down the thoughts you're having in that moment. Do not worry about grammar or alter the thought to make it sound better. Simply write what you think. Try to do this as soon as you have the thought, so you can remember it accurately and challenge it while you are still feeling the emotion that was prompted by the thought. Next to the thought, write down what emotion you feel in response to the thought and how strongly you feel it (e.g., on a scale from 1-100). After this, write down all of the evidence you can think of that is supportive of that thought. Next to that, write down all of the evidence you can think of that runs counter to your thought. Be thorough in both categories so that you are completely fair and objective. After considering all of this evidence, write down a revised version of your thought that better reflects all of the evidence (e.g., I wish I had more friends, but there are several people who truly care for me."). Finally, write down what emotion you feel in response to the new thought and how strongly you feel that emotion. Chances are, the results are significantly happier than what you were experiencing when you first had the initial thought and that your revised thought offers you a suggestion for steps you can take to improve your situation."

The best is to find a CBT therapist to work on this with, but you can use this along with your DBT. The goal is to re-program your mind when the self-destructive thoughts enter. It's hard, but it can be done.

Take care,
Clay