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Originally Posted by eoghanacht  Of course you're right about the inner psych bit, Brazil, but not so sure on the music side. I choose to listen to "Dark" music or bands (even though I can sometimes listen to classical, pop, and 'lighter' stuff), because of the way that I am feeling about myself.
I know that Black Metal (the extreme side)- bands have their dark lyrics and beliefs, erring on the satanic side, well I just choose again not to listen to the words, just the music. For me, it's mor about the style of music than anything else.
Thanks for posting anyway. |
I think it's natural for you to gravitate towards the angrier, darker music because it helps you process your feelings better and possibly makes you feel less alone. I have a friend who's into the same music that you're into, but he's not all dark and gloomy or depressed all the time, he just finds it speaks to him. Regardless of why you listen to it, all that matters is if it helps you, if it makes you feel alive, if it makes you feel. If it's not helping you and feeding the anger and depression and self-destructiveness in you, then you might reconsider your listening choices.
Depression takes one to dark places in the mind, so in that way you're "normal" to gravitate toward dark things. I tend to gravitate toward dark/disturbing movies and books and I have really dark thoughts. Don't beat yourself up for it, just know you won't always be surrounded by darkness. And you're one step ahead of me in that you believe recovery is possible.
And as far as I'm concerned, I don't even know what "normal" is anymore, mainly because I've never been normal. Despite your conditions, you've never come across as abnormal in any conversation I've had with you. You just have a lot of pain, which is understandable. That's why it's important to let it out in a creative way, whatever way speaks most to you. Sometimes I feel so angry and then I write something really angry and violent and disturbing and usually my anger has dissipated. Creative outlets are great for processing those thoughts, so go for it.
Take care,
Clay