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Originally Posted by freya  Personally, I think that a healthy person lives in the present and doesn't spend his/her life futurizing and catastrophizing. If an A has been sober (and I do mean "sober," not "dry") awhile and is working a strong program of recovery, why should he/she be any more risky to be in relationship with than anyone else?
Actually, at this point in my life, I tend to believe that people who are aware of and seriously working on their sh*t -- whatever that sh*t is and however they are working on it -- are far and away the best prospects when it comes to a strong, healthy relationship.
freya |
Good point, Freya. However, I respectfully disagree to a certain point. Healthy people do live in the present, but realize they live in the world and are realists as well. They aren't just blind idealists. But I wouldn't say substance abuse is on par with some other "issues" (or "sh*t," as you put it) and even with other substances there is variation as to the degree of damage each one can cause. For example, a smoker, should they relapse isn't as toxic and as devastating to the relationship as perhaps a herion addict. With some substances, relapse come with a very high price. Some substances totally alter a person's personality and psychologically (and perhaps physically) remove them from their loved one.
I guess it all comes down to one understanding the risks and being fully aware and responsible in making a decision to stay with the person. I am not saying the "healthy" person doesn't have their own issues, but IMO, it isn't as devastating to the relationship (hence why they are healthy).
But, being somewhat of a romantic, I do believe love can conquer all. But I am also a pragmatist realizing that this is a very unique situation and takes two committed people who also act on their commitments.
Not sure what the answer is here, just exploring ideas in my head...