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freya · 09-18-2009, 01:57 PM

Hi, Matt!

As I've said before, I think the whole idea of "normal" is a bunch of b*llsh*t and that it's a very dangerous and limiting thing for anyone to aspire to!

So, basically, if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about whether what you want or don't want, feel or don't feel is "normal." But I definitely would be thinking about whether it's right and healthy for me at this time in my life -- and you seem pretty clear that it is.

As you probably know, I have 21 year-old gay son. If he were straight and approached women and sex the way he approaches men and sex, I would be seriously worried that he was sex-crazed predator. But pretty much everyone he knows and hangs out with is very much like him -- and so, it's all fine. From talking to him (and he talks to me sometimes way more openly and explicitly than even I am comfortable with!) and from my conversation with a lot of close gay male friends, I'd have to say that his behavior is the exception rather than the rule for a lot of gay men -- at least at certain points in their lives. And, as we all know, our culture is fundamentally sex-negative and definitely "opposed" to that kind of very free, open and casual attitude toward sex. So, it might just be that your friends are in that hyper-sexual place themselves and feel a little uncomfortable because you're not....and because your not being in that place, in some way and on some level, reminds them of the culture's "judgment" against them and where they are.

Really, I wouldn't worry it. Anyways, the further you go in your recovery, the better "catch" you'll be....and the kind of person you'll be interested in being "caught" by will be the kind of person who can appreciate that!

freya

P.S. Just let the recovery work deal with the asexual narcissism...because good recovery is a whole-life deal, right?

09-18-2009, 01:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
freya ...all this, and brains, too! Join Date: May 2004 Location: Rochester, NY Posts: 1,368	Hi, Matt! As I've said before, I think the whole idea of "normal" is a bunch of bllsht and that it's a very dangerous and limiting thing for anyone to aspire to! So, basically, if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about whether what you want or don't want, feel or don't feel is "normal." But I definitely would be thinking about whether it's right and healthy for me at this time in my life -- and you seem pretty clear that it is. As you probably know, I have 21 year-old gay son. If he were straight and approached women and sex the way he approaches men and sex, I would be seriously worried that he was sex-crazed predator. But pretty much everyone he knows and hangs out with is very much like him -- and so, it's all fine. From talking to him (and he talks to me sometimes way more openly and explicitly than even I am comfortable with!) and from my conversation with a lot of close gay male friends, I'd have to say that his behavior is the exception rather than the rule for a lot of gay men -- at least at certain points in their lives. And, as we all know, our culture is fundamentally sex-negative and definitely "opposed" to that kind of very free, open and casual attitude toward sex. So, it might just be that your friends are in that hyper-sexual place themselves and feel a little uncomfortable because you're not....and because your not being in that place, in some way and on some level, reminds them of the culture's "judgment" against them and where they are. Really, I wouldn't worry it. Anyways, the further you go in your recovery, the better "catch" you'll be....and the kind of person you'll be interested in being "caught" by will be the kind of person who can appreciate that! freya P.S. Just let the recovery work deal with the asexual narcissism...because good recovery is a whole-life deal, right? __________________ *Working the Steps isn't giving me power; working the Steps is removing the things that block me from living in the Light and Love of God's Power.* Last edited by freya; 09-18-2009 at 02:20 PM.