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keithj · 09-18-2009, 12:31 PM

Howdy Christian,

The formal directions for Step 1 are on page 30, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."

How the hell does one go about that? What the hell does all that powerless stuff mean?

Step 1=surrender. I took Step 1 (unkowingly) when I stopped believing that I could somehow get my drinking under control and started believing that I was f*cked beyond all hope. I knew in my heart that it would never get better, and my life was doomed to be worse and worse with no end in sight to my misery and the misery I caused others. No redemption, no chance of success. I was foresaken. AA's Big Book chapter Working with Others calls that dwelling on the hopeless feature of the malady.

I have to smash the delusion that I can drink like other people. Am I bodily and mentally different than my fellows? I look at my own experience with that. When I drink, do I crave more? When I left a party where all of us were drinking, I always stopped for more on the way home. My friends didn't. They had enough. When the bar closed, I always sought more. I'd repeat that 'just one more before bed' mantra 6 or 7 times a night until I passed out. Just one shot to get the day going turned into 1/2 the bottle. The bottom line is that I have an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol. Some call it an allergy. That allergy makes it so I can never drink safely again. That allergy is something that all alkies have in common.

So there's my solution. Never drink again and I'll be OK. But that doesn't work because I also have a mental obsession with alcohol. For a time, physically separated from booze, I'm OK without it. But inevitably in my drinking, I always found some trivial reason for picking it back up. It's insane for me to drink in light of the almost inevitable consequences of what always happens when I drink. But there I would be, drinking again. Like the BB says, I was unable at certain times to recall with sufficient force of memory the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. I had lost the power of choice in drink.

I can't drink safely, and I can't not drink. I'm screwed big time. Now what?

09-18-2009, 12:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
keithj Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2,662	Howdy Christian, The formal directions for Step 1 are on page 30, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics." How the hell does one go about that? What the hell does all that powerless stuff mean? Step 1=surrender. I took Step 1 (unkowingly) when I stopped believing that I could somehow get my drinking under control and started believing that I was f*cked beyond all hope. I knew in my heart that it would never get better, and my life was doomed to be worse and worse with no end in sight to my misery and the misery I caused others. No redemption, no chance of success. I was foresaken. AA's Big Book chapter Working with Others calls that dwelling on the hopeless feature of the malady. I have to smash the delusion that I can drink like other people. Am I bodily and mentally different than my fellows? I look at my own experience with that. When I drink, do I crave more? When I left a party where all of us were drinking, I always stopped for more on the way home. My friends didn't. They had enough. When the bar closed, I always sought more. I'd repeat that 'just one more before bed' mantra 6 or 7 times a night until I passed out. Just one shot to get the day going turned into 1/2 the bottle. The bottom line is that I have an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol. Some call it an allergy. That allergy makes it so I can never drink safely again. That allergy is something that all alkies have in common. So there's my solution. Never drink again and I'll be OK. But that doesn't work because I also have a mental obsession with alcohol. For a time, physically separated from booze, I'm OK without it. But inevitably in my drinking, I always found some trivial reason for picking it back up. It's insane for me to drink in light of the almost inevitable consequences of what always happens when I drink. But there I would be, drinking again. Like the BB says, I was unable at certain times to recall with sufficient force of memory the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. I had lost the power of choice in drink. I can't drink safely, and I can't not drink. I'm screwed big time. Now what?