I wouldn't presume to offer marital advice, but there's a line in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that kind of sums it up for me:
Quote:
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“The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker…"
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I've known, beyond any doubt, that my drinking patterns are unhealthy for years (see my join date), but I still struggle with the definition of alcoholism and I am still not sober. I think trying to figure out if I qualify has done me much more harm than good. I do know that I can either enjoy my drinking (at least until the next morning), or I can try to control it, but I can't do both. It is certainly possible for me to stop after a few or even skip a day, but it is always an effort. Other than hunger, sleep, and possibly my guitars, I can't think of anything that creates such an absence when it's not available.
My suggestion is not to try to answer the question right now. Instead, I'd probably read some of the threads and just see how much of this you relate to. I've sometimes found it instructive to read the "friends and family" area too. The folks on this section of the board have a lot of nuanced discussions about the nature of alcoholism and who qualifies. Oddly enough, they seem to have no such uncertainties over at the F&F area. For that matter, I'd be very surprised if there are not folks over there who have had a newly-sober person in their life attempt to diagnose them with a problem.