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What you're saying makes sense to me, I think.
To sum up in my own words, your problem is twofold.
1. You're not too sure about your sexuality.
2. You have trouble meeting new people.
I may be oversimplifying... anyway, I've never had any experience with #1. I'm a straight guy and have never had any doubts about that.
#2 on the other hand, I can relate. I've been married for over 15 years. While I've not been looking to meet people (of either sex) as a romantic interest, I have been looking to create new, intimate relationships on a platonic level.
I have a very small circle of close friends. That's what's comfortable/manageable for me. But a few of them have moved away. And losing a "few" from a small circle to begin with reduces my close friends significantly.
It's important for my emotional health to have at least some close friends. And it's really, really hard for me to make new ones.
Basically, I just have to gut it out and hang myself out there. Yes, I might get hurt, but I have to keep trying. My emotional health depends on it.
Not sure if that helps you or not. Just my experience.
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