| Relationships and sex
[post not limited to the GLBT crowd!]
Yesterday I met up with some friends - some gay, some straight. All of them freaking out over their intimate relationships, and/or lack thereof.
We were in a park, and I found myself offhandedly flirting with a few guys who caught my eye... mostly out of habit. My friends were all "OMG, Matt!! He's interested!" and "Go after that one!" etc. etc. True, I'm a big flirt... But what *really* caught my attention is that my friends (along with most everyone I know) seem to automatically assume that single people are constantly longing for a relationship or, at the very least, sex.
So now I feel like a weirdo because I've suddenly realised that I'm simply uninterested in either O.o
Yes, sex can be fun. I was a very early bloomer and have had my share of it. But I can easily take it or leave it - in fact, I just don't get this constant sex-craze.
Ditto relationships. After a string of feeble attempts, some of which were disastrous, I've come to realise that I genuinely seem to enjoy being a lone wolf.
I've been nursing a broken heart for a morbidly long period of time - but even that sounds like an excuse.
A few days ago, one of my enlightened SR friends told me the obvious: "Don't worry about it, someone will show up and you'll change your mind in an instant".
That makes sense... I haven't exactly gone out of my way to make it happen, though. I do believe in soulmates. My mother, of all people, told me recently "just call for him... he's out there, looking for you too!"
I like that idea, but it seems like I'm aphonic.
Anyway, maybe this is just a -freakishly long- phase... Maybe I haven't yet figured out what I'm looking for, as getting involved with someone isn't a priority in my recovery right now. Oh well, I'm just thinking too much as usual. I would definitely appreciate input from whomever feels like offering some, though.
I just can't help wondering if I've become an asexual narcissist, or if I'm just plain scared. |