| Looking for an Answer
Hey all, this is a bit of a complicated scenario, but perhaps speaking of it will help me figure a few things out. Unfortunately I cant just put this scenario out there without a little background. I know I should post on the GBLT section which I have as well, but this is the issue. I'm currently 23, and have been trying to sort this out for years and years. I used to love the women, but as of 9th or 10th grade, I've began to change. It was something of a complete change and my interest in straightness dropped. I was never the type to run around "hooking up" in clubs or on the net etc etc. No interest in it anymore either. I tried to find something that was real and beyond just physical attraction, and that would last. I was on the down low about this for a long time. I pursued (short lasting) relationships and finally accepted myself and came out 5 years ago at the age of 18. It was easier and others were more accepting than I thought.
Here's the interesting thing- It just so happened at that point a couple weeks later I started to having second thoughts about this and had no idea what was wrong with me. I have spoke with a counselor and he said it was normal in many, which now I certainly know. Long story short I kept to the gay side and a year ago pursued a relationship during this time. We've grown attached and it certainly was something real feeling. My curiosity was much less about changing being that I was so happy...Although I always had some, more so today than I ever had.
My significant other and I recently have had problems and we broke up two days ago, which I am beyond distraught over. He said I can continue to live with he and his roommate but his mind is made up. That I will get over, Ive been through plenty of ugly scenarios before.
Here's my main problem: I really doubt I want to remain under this lifestyle, part of me really wants to date a like minded girl instead (although not my current main goal in life). The thing is I isolate myself and am very shy. I have a tough time starting a conversation with guys I don't know, and with a girl its much worse. Actually all my friends that have stayed by my side are all guys. This makes me wonder if the fact that I don't even know how to talk to women my age has played a part in the life decisions that I've made. I've asked one girl out a long time ago without knowing her and was rejected so since then It's been even harder for me. I don't know what to think anymore honestly. I'd love to be in a setting and make some friends that ARE girls so maybe I could learn to socialize a bit better. I dont know where to start either. Does this make sense to anyone? Please help me out here
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