Hi bug - others will no doubt give their opinion, and please by warned that my opinions aren't always popular currency
I personally think there will always be a semantic argument about what is and isn't, and I'm not sure that many people can be 100% sure.
If your wife has a problem with your drinking then you have a problem. That problem may not be alcoholism or even alcohol-related, but it is something you need to solve.
My questions would be:
a) do you have any problem associated with alcohol, whatever label you or anyone else wants to put on them
b) do you regularly drink in an unhealthy manner (there are plenty of guidelines for this - for example in the UK it would be more than 210 ml of pure alcohol per week, or more than 40ml in a single sitting). If you do, and you are aware that you are but consistently drink at more than this level, then you have a problem you need to address
The next step would be to carefully document your drinking and make an effort to bring it to within moderate levels (i.e. lower than the above limits). If you can't manage to achieve this in a short period of time and maintain the new level for an extended length of time then you have some sort of dependence, and will need further help.
just my 2c