[billythekid]

I posted yesterday, it was my first on this forum, and someone recommended that I check out this area which deals with pain management. As I wrote yesterday I have been extremely sick over the past three years, I underwent major life saving surgery at The Mayo Clinic in Rochester MO back in February. The surgeons told me that even after the operation that I would continue to have multiple complications, not exactly good news but at least they were honest with me. I started some notes today and wanted to share some of them here because I have horrible problems with isolation, many of my “friends” did not respond to my request to call me more and check up on me after my surgery and that has left me feeling even more isolated.

I had 5 major lengthy hospitalizations (60 days total) at 3 different medical centers; all of them are very well known and have very good reputations. Anyway I have been trying to get off some of my medications and I just wanted to post about it and perhaps someone can relate to what I am saying I am sure. I have repeatedly attempted to reduce my levels of medication, with only moderate success. My doctors are aware of this and they have really gone the extra mile to help me by trying to keep me out of the emergency room and or hospital with pain medications. I still feel very sick every day and I can not function even remotely near the same level I was at three years ago, it can be extremely overwhelming for me, I don’t want to live if I am going to trapped inside a medical center, I am not strong enough to survive it.

To put some of this into perspective I sat down today with my medical records and counted the number of Morphine and Dilaudid injections which were administered to me during my inpatient stays. During the course of 60 days I was administered approximately 432 intravenous injections in my arms, and that number does NOT include 70 emergency room visits or thousands of pain pills I have had to ingest. They were using both of my arms to keep me medicated and I went for many days and weeks without water or food, everything had to go into my arms. When I woke up after surgery I had a big plastic tube going up into my nose down my throat into my lungs to keep me from drowning on my own fluid and I was hooked up to a bunch of other equipment. I am currently taking about 750 pills every 30 days with a total cost of about $5,000.00 per month just for the meds. I have very good health insurance and I believe that without it I would surly be deceased already. I recently tried AGAIN to reduce my pain meds but I can only hang on for about 4 weeks then my quality of life tanks and I have to go back and let them start the meds back up.

So my point in all of this is that I feel that there are times when a person can not function without certain medications regardless of what they are. My experience has really made me look at medications, narcotics, and “drugs” in a way I never had before I got so sick. Some of the posts I have read here in regards to pain management talk about that if a licensed medical doctor is dispensing them and you can’t stay out of the hospital without them then there is most likely a justifiable use for them. I don’t know how long I will have to take the narcotics, I won’t be able to stop anytime soon and it has been 3 years. I have hope that I will eventually be able to function without them but I am trying to just take it a day at a time and not to demand so much from myself. I don’t want to die yet, as I explained in my other post I am ready when God takes me but I am only 44 years old and I have a child who needs his father and I feel a very large responsibility to him and other members of my family.

I don’t believe I can spend much more time in a hospital, it is just more than I can handle so I am trying to stay out and at my home and my mother helps take care of me. If you have anything encouraging feel free to let me know. Thank you for reading and or responding to this post, have a very good evening.