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Cynay · 09-15-2009, 09:50 PM

HPS.... Im so sorry your going through all this....

I want to take a moment to introduce myself.... I am your wife, well I use to be your wife anyway. It has taken me so much time, therapy, Al-anon meetings, CoDA meetings and even AA meetings to work throught all this.... I do however remember all those huge anger issues.

One thing that you will have to come to an acceptance about is that there is always the possibility that your marriage will not work out. I will say that when I was in the relationship with the active alcoholic I was just a deeply sick as he was, you have to know that there is a reason why I choose (and most of my life) to date and marry alcoholics.... When the dymanics of the relationship changed or when the disease got to be too much to live with... I left to find my next alcoholic. Now dont get me wrong... I had every reason in the world to be angry about what happened in the years that I live with my Ex-AH and Im sure there are reasons why your wife feels like she does.... BUT... Im also saying I played a part in that dance. It is hard to recover a relationship under these conditions... but it can be done.

my honest thought here is that she is going to have to make up her mind if she really does want to try and save this marriage.... and just to put this out there .... Is this the person you want to stay with, sometimes when one of a couple find recovery.... there is nothing left in the relationship to fix and the other person might not be the best person for you... just a thought.

But if you do want to I can tell you what helped me .... I started attending Al-anon meeting twice a week and one AA meeting a week. Al-anon helped be become sane again and AA gave me some compassion and understanding of the disease.... and you keeping your focus on your recovery and growth.

That is what has worked for me, but if both are not 100% committed .... just remember you can not force a person to do anything, the first step is what helps me with this....

I wish you all the best!!!

09-15-2009, 09:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Cynay Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 3,836	HPS.... Im so sorry your going through all this.... I want to take a moment to introduce myself.... I am your wife, well I use to be your wife anyway. It has taken me so much time, therapy, Al-anon meetings, CoDA meetings and even AA meetings to work throught all this.... I do however remember all those huge anger issues. One thing that you will have to come to an acceptance about is that there is always the possibility that your marriage will not work out. I will say that when I was in the relationship with the active alcoholic I was just a deeply sick as he was, you have to know that there is a reason why I choose (and most of my life) to date and marry alcoholics.... When the dymanics of the relationship changed or when the disease got to be too much to live with... I left to find my next alcoholic. Now dont get me wrong... I had every reason in the world to be angry about what happened in the years that I live with my Ex-AH and Im sure there are reasons why your wife feels like she does.... BUT... Im also saying I played a part in that dance. It is hard to recover a relationship under these conditions... but it can be done. my honest thought here is that she is going to have to make up her mind if she really does want to try and save this marriage.... and just to put this out there .... Is this the person you want to stay with, sometimes when one of a couple find recovery.... there is nothing left in the relationship to fix and the other person might not be the best person for you... just a thought. But if you do want to I can tell you what helped me .... I started attending Al-anon meeting twice a week and one AA meeting a week. Al-anon helped be become sane again and AA gave me some compassion and understanding of the disease.... and you keeping your focus on your recovery and growth. That is what has worked for me, but if both are not 100% committed .... just remember you can not force a person to do anything, the first step is what helps me with this.... I wish you all the best!!! __________________ Cynay "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." Harvey Fierstein Last edited by Cynay; 09-15-2009 at 10:14 PM.