(((Penny))), your mom is with you and she knows you love her. She also knows you are clean. Don't be sorry anymore...your mom forgave you a long time ago. Guilt is a wasted emotion...doesn't help anyone.
I lost my only son a year ago to addictions. As a mother, I can't tell you of the guilt I felt. But I realized that my son knew how much I love him, and no matter how I failed, I did my best, and I know my son would say...Ma, stop beating yourself up right now!
Talk to your mom...tell her how you feel. She will hear you.
Love and peace to you.
Katy