Snogs,
Thank you for such an honest thread. I don't think the things you are feeling are unique at all ~ but there are a couple things to consider.
Do you believe that resentments can kill you?
Was your decision at step 3 about turning your will and life over to God as you understand God, a full decision for which you did not have any other choice?
Do you agree with the statement on page 62 which states : "So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making." ?
Step 4 is not about learning to cope, it's about identifying and getting rid of that which is blocking you from the power needed to live a life that is worth living. Any approach which has to do with controlling ones environment, or the world around them is doomed to failure...at least the way I have experienced this life.
This is about letting go...not learning. If you need anything, please PM..
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf