(((Penny))) I do understand your grief and loss. This past Friday was 40 years that I lost my mom due to the disease of alcoholism. She actually took her own life, I guess the pain was too much for her. I was 15 at the time and it took me a long time to realize that my mom's death is the reason I am sober today.
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I would give anything for just one more day with her...to hear her voice, to see her smile, to say that I'm sorry for disapointing her. To tell her I love her.
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You can't imagine how many times in my life these words have left my lips. But I do believe that she hears these words coming from your heart, just like mine does.
I'm here if you need to talk anytime.