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snogs · 09-11-2009, 07:20 AM

Thanks for your reply and thank you for not judging me. i am pondering over where my reliance is. i have completed step 4 and think i have done as honised as a job as i could. I guess what i am saying is that i am trying hard at the steps/program/AA (partly because i have nothing elese to do) and feel resentful that i have all this finacel turmoil to deal with as well.............why could i not have an emotional breakdown when i was financually secure, when the econamy/jobmarket was secure? After typing that statment on the screen it sounds like yet another resentment so i think i might start step 4 again.
Although i am ten years in the felloship, this is the first time i have done the steps and understand that my past way of thinking has to go and i have to design a relationship of trust between me and god (as i under stand him) in order to have any future at all. I have to design a program wich inable's me to funtion in the modern world eg job/career, relationships, sprituallity etc. I am in my late thirtys and grew up on a farm where life was relitivly simple. Your name and reputation were your quilifications (regardless of your certs)wich is in stark contrast to modern ways of doing busness. i am now an unemployed plummer, i was made unimployed because i could not adapt to the presant ways of doing things, the sales pitches i was asked to make (wich i understood to be lies), the violent compeditve nature of work collegs, the ever increasing language barrier. I stoped using my program, developed a gross resentment/hate of the system, goverment, modern world that snowballed out of control culmanating with my inevadable dismissal and a catostfofic confidance/self esteem crash.
I am a worker ant, always have been, always will be. i am at peace with that so it is now clear to me why longterm unemployment has had such a negative effect on me. i beleve a job is an esenshal part of my recovery program.
I acept that i am obsolete.
I acept that i can learn and are willing to.
I realise i have not only be a plummer, but also a sales rep, bookeeper, I have to be able to deal with people, client's, employees and not run from that responsability. i have to learn how to be direct and thruthful with people and if i feel disrespected deal with those issues rationally, calmly and most of all rid my resentments towards them or i will have another brakedown. the world is changing all the time and i must change with it.
If any one can identify with this please reply.

09-11-2009, 07:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
snogs Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: london uk Posts: 3	Thanks for your reply and thank you for not judging me. i am pondering over where my reliance is. i have completed step 4 and think i have done as honised as a job as i could. I guess what i am saying is that i am trying hard at the steps/program/AA (partly because i have nothing elese to do) and feel resentful that i have all this finacel turmoil to deal with as well.............why could i not have an emotional breakdown when i was financually secure, when the econamy/jobmarket was secure? After typing that statment on the screen it sounds like yet another resentment so i think i might start step 4 again. Although i am ten years in the felloship, this is the first time i have done the steps and understand that my past way of thinking has to go and i have to design a relationship of trust between me and god (as i under stand him) in order to have any future at all. I have to design a program wich inable's me to funtion in the modern world eg job/career, relationships, sprituallity etc. I am in my late thirtys and grew up on a farm where life was relitivly simple. Your name and reputation were your quilifications (regardless of your certs)wich is in stark contrast to modern ways of doing busness. i am now an unemployed plummer, i was made unimployed because i could not adapt to the presant ways of doing things, the sales pitches i was asked to make (wich i understood to be lies), the violent compeditve nature of work collegs, the ever increasing language barrier. I stoped using my program, developed a gross resentment/hate of the system, goverment, modern world that snowballed out of control culmanating with my inevadable dismissal and a catostfofic confidance/self esteem crash. I am a worker ant, always have been, always will be. i am at peace with that so it is now clear to me why longterm unemployment has had such a negative effect on me. i beleve a job is an esenshal part of my recovery program. I acept that i am obsolete. I acept that i can learn and are willing to. I realise i have not only be a plummer, but also a sales rep, bookeeper, I have to be able to deal with people, client's, employees and not run from that responsability. i have to learn how to be direct and thruthful with people and if i feel disrespected deal with those issues rationally, calmly and most of all rid my resentments towards them or i will have another brakedown. the world is changing all the time and i must change with it. If any one can identify with this please reply.