This was HUGE for me!
When I did my 9th step, my sponsor asked me to write a letter of amends to myself. I kinda blew it off. Then I started getting a little squirrely at a little over a year sober. It kept coming to mind when I prayed. Then I was at a womens 11th step retreat and it hit me what I needed to do. I hiked up to the top of a mountain and wrote a 12 page letter of amends to myself. I was very resentful of my choices and all the harm I had inflicted on the world in my drinking. After I wrote that letter and prayed and turned it over to my higher power, it felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I can not begin to tell you the changes it made in my recovery.
So this is my experience and I will share that with every sponsee I ever have. I am not sure if it is the same with men, but I know that us women, especially mothers really take on a lot of shame and blame.