[Sugah]

Hi, Laurie. It's good to see you ducking your head in the door.

I wasn't going to respond because my attitude towards my FMS is often an unpopular one among folks who are still trying to come to terms with it. I simply refuse to let it take center stage in my life. I have other chronic pain conditions, too, and they get to share the same space -- part of my life, but not my life.

I've had all the symptoms since I was in my early teens, but I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was twenty-two -- almost twenty years ago. I've been through all the various drugs prescribed for it, at least up until my early recovery almost seven years ago. As miserable as it can be -- and miserable is putting it mildly some days -- I've found that managing what energy I have and knowing my limitations, while doing as much as I can as often as I can is preferable and even superior to any of the chemical treatments available. The last thing I tried was Lyrica a couple of years ago. The doctor gave me two months worth of samples, and the effects were so marginal, I couldn't justify the monthly cost.

My sister, from whom I've been estranged for a lot of years, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and contacted me a couple of summers ago because she knew I had it. When I told her she needed to get up and move every day, she wanted to know what kind of pain pills my doctor was giving me so that I could do it. She didn't believe me when I said I wasn't on any. Every conversation with her was about her pain and how she couldn't do the things she used to do -- and I surely understand that. I can't hike anymore. I can't ride motorcycles anymore. I know you garden, Laurie. I'll bet neither one of us can kick a shovel -- and if we tried, we'd pay for it big time. But I do a lot, just in spurts with planned rest and the occasional day off.

If I let pain define me, I turn inward, and it becomes something not a whole lot different than active addiction. In order to live with it, and even use it as a means of feeling compassion for others who suffer, I have to get up every morning and ask my HP what's in store -- what do you want me to do today that will make me useful? What's my purpose?

I do hope you know that I offer this from my heart. There's a whole lot of us who've had our lives and our usefulness diminished because of pain. Once I stopped struggling against it and seeing it as a punishment for some unknown transgression, it became a gift -- just as the silver strands in my hair I once covered up with L'Oreal are a gift. Pain has the potential to teach us.

And I'm having a sucky day today, pain-wise -- though I had an awesome watermelon-scented bubble bath!

Peace & Love,
Sugah