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katie44 · 09-05-2009, 04:48 AM

Needed to ask this question as I am not comfortable asking friends or family. Have always considered my self a strong person. I was able to deal with anything not anymore. I usually post on family and friends of substance abusers. AS is 22 has been using since 16. I have finally hit bottom and detached. We did in the past detach, but the codie behaviour reared its head again. The past 2.5 years have been worse. My mother passed away cirrosis, my MIL passed last year. We sold our home spouse talked me in to it larger, and bigger. The home could also be used partially for our business. two months before moving in we lost a huge contract and could not back out of the house deal. We lived there for a year and sold it. It was totally unaffordable. Bought a new home much smaller but in the midst of all this we lost a huge amount of money. We have lived in the new home for 1.5 years. The recession hit we have lost a huge amount of business we are barely hanging on. We refinanced the house. Looks like bankruptcy soon. I had a home with a very small mortgage, I knew in my heart we were making the wrong move. At that time I was so involved in sons chaos, and mothers illness. i just went along with hubbys plan. I am more angry at myself for listening to him he has somewhat of a dreamers personality. we have no more savings, everything is gone. I am 46 years old. For 2.5 years I have come home nearly everynite and gone to bed. I avoid talking on the phone, I have pushed my friends away.
On the outside I pretend to others I am happy. The truth is most of the time I cry. I feel exhausted working 12 hour days trying to sve this business but the truth is I am burnt out. I have no more to give to my kids emotinally. There has been days driving home from work I just think what the use. How pathetic is that. There are so many people out there with larger problems, I feel unjustified in feeling this way. The past month I have been attending church and speaking to the pastor. For the most part the discussion has been AS going in to long term rehab. I am trying so hard to find some peace in my life. Yesterday was just a bad day bill collectors calling, AS calling and whining. Had auditors in this week at work they have already found a 10,000.00 error, they will be back next week. Daughter calling to tellme she has broken down in her car driving back to Ontario to stay with us for 4 months. I just lost it when I got home I said some horrible things to spouse, smashed mmy coffee cup on the floor, and went to bed at 6:00 pm. The littlest issues have become huge for me these days. Cant seem to stay organized or stop crying. Do I need to see am doctor? I really dont want to take medication. Is this depression because of the stuation , or is it because i am developing some major depression problem. I am sorry for the long posting really needed to vent.

09-05-2009, 04:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
katie44 Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: ontario, canada Posts: 380	Question?? Needed to ask this question as I am not comfortable asking friends or family. Have always considered my self a strong person. I was able to deal with anything not anymore. I usually post on family and friends of substance abusers. AS is 22 has been using since 16. I have finally hit bottom and detached. We did in the past detach, but the codie behaviour reared its head again. The past 2.5 years have been worse. My mother passed away cirrosis, my MIL passed last year. We sold our home spouse talked me in to it larger, and bigger. The home could also be used partially for our business. two months before moving in we lost a huge contract and could not back out of the house deal. We lived there for a year and sold it. It was totally unaffordable. Bought a new home much smaller but in the midst of all this we lost a huge amount of money. We have lived in the new home for 1.5 years. The recession hit we have lost a huge amount of business we are barely hanging on. We refinanced the house. Looks like bankruptcy soon. I had a home with a very small mortgage, I knew in my heart we were making the wrong move. At that time I was so involved in sons chaos, and mothers illness. i just went along with hubbys plan. I am more angry at myself for listening to him he has somewhat of a dreamers personality. we have no more savings, everything is gone. I am 46 years old. For 2.5 years I have come home nearly everynite and gone to bed. I avoid talking on the phone, I have pushed my friends away. On the outside I pretend to others I am happy. The truth is most of the time I cry. I feel exhausted working 12 hour days trying to sve this business but the truth is I am burnt out. I have no more to give to my kids emotinally. There has been days driving home from work I just think what the use. How pathetic is that. There are so many people out there with larger problems, I feel unjustified in feeling this way. The past month I have been attending church and speaking to the pastor. For the most part the discussion has been AS going in to long term rehab. I am trying so hard to find some peace in my life. Yesterday was just a bad day bill collectors calling, AS calling and whining. Had auditors in this week at work they have already found a 10,000.00 error, they will be back next week. Daughter calling to tellme she has broken down in her car driving back to Ontario to stay with us for 4 months. I just lost it when I got home I said some horrible things to spouse, smashed mmy coffee cup on the floor, and went to bed at 6:00 pm. The littlest issues have become huge for me these days. Cant seem to stay organized or stop crying. Do I need to see am doctor? I really dont want to take medication. Is this depression because of the stuation , or is it because i am developing some major depression problem. I am sorry for the long posting really needed to vent.