Codependency is talked about a lot in recovery circles. While there were always certain traits on those lists that I identified with, I also always felt that I was the exact opposite of a codependent— independent to a fault. However, I always felt that this had its own tragedies. While being addicted to people and love and whatever else is one side of the coin, thinking you can do everything on your own and not being able to trust anyone is another side. Recovery has taken down some of those major walls but not all of them. Today I just read a new term which I have decided quite aptly applies to me— counterdependent. Unfortunately, the amount of literature doesn't exist for this "condition" like it does codependency. There is one book I found and I ordered it on Amazon. It has an extended preview on Google books.
The Flight from Intimacy: Healing ... - Google Books
So here is something from the book:
Quote:
Have you ever done these things?
-Attempted to hie normal fears, anxieties, or insecurities from others
-Felt the inability to identify and/or express important feelings
-Attempted to always "look good" and always be "right"
-Felt a lack of trust in other people's motives
-Felt victimized by the actions of others
-Felt anxious in close, intimate relationships
-Been reluctant to ask for help from others when needed
-Preferred to work alone
-Been in constant fear of making a mistake
-Had low tolerance for frustration, marked by temper tantrums or fits of anger when frustrated
-Been unable to relax and had a constant need to be engaged in work or activity
-Felt afraid of being smothered or controlled by the needs of others
-Tended to sexualize all nurturing touch
-Been addicted to work, sex, activity, or exercise
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Basically I am or have been all those things. The low tolerance thing has gotten better in recovery. And I no longer need to be constantly engaged in doing things. However, all the things that have to do with relationships and intimacy are still issues. So I guess I am just wondering if other people have had these "I am an island" problems and have managed to get through them?