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hello everyone,
i wish you all the best, and the fortitude to get through this stuff, if you
are going through it, because i know its hell, but you can do it and you'll have yourself back, and that is really all that matters.

well, so the reason i'm posting is that in mid-july, in a kind of "freak" sort of thing, the "how" of it not really being important, i came across this bottle of
oxycodone and was curious, and thought well, i'll just take one, etc.
but a week and a half later, i finally stopped saying that, and stopped taking them. they were 5mg tabs i'm pretty sure. at first it was maybe two a day,
then as the week went on it was more like 4, and i checked myself, and stopped because i didn't want to have to go through withdrawal.

in my early twenties (i'm 36 now) i was addicted to heroin for a couple of years, but after multiple failed attempts i finally stopped, for good, to this day, by myself, aside from the support of a woman whom i loved at the time,
and loved me, but that's really beside the point i guess.

so the thing is, i thought that was a long enough time, and that my body had changed or something, but i seem to be extremely geared, physically, toward opiates, because after a month after stopping taking this evil, evil stuff, for only a week and a half, which doesn't seem like such a long time really,
i'm still kind of struggling with the withdrawal symptoms that i had hoped to avoid.

it seems to come in waves, the withdrawal, from day to day, and its nothing like what i experienced so many years ago with heroin. with heroin, the physical withdrawal was sort of "fast and furious" and lasted maybe a week, at most, not even really, but the intense craving for it lasted much longer than that.

with this evil damn oxycodone stuff, i have absolutely no craving for it, truly, and i'm being confessional here so why lie, (that stuff is still there even but i want absolutely nothing to do with it at all, there's no temptation, which also seems weird really to me, but i'm grateful for that fact) but the physical withdrawal just goes on and on and on......

one of the other things that amazes me about this miserable experience i've brought on myself, and that i'm really confused by, and is why i'm posting this, is that i was pretty much fine for about a week after stopping, and then the really nasty stuff started,
the minor convulsion type things, the muscle cramping, throwing up, the laying in bed all day and night long and wishing you would die kind of thing.

i got through that, although for some reason yesterday was a little like that,
(really this stuff seems to come in waves) but today is much better, thankfully.

now its mainly a rapid heartbeat that drives me nuts, and general weakness,
shakiness, a little stomache rumbling, lack of appetite, occasional throwing up, or just kind of gagging and the runs sort of thing, which comes and goes.

has anyone else experienced this long drawn out, weird comes in waves kind of withdrawal with oxycodone?
am i nuts or something? is this in my head? is this some freakish psychological mind over matter kind of thing?

i so much want this to just end, its been a MONTH, more like 5 weeks, and to go back to normal, because its still bad enough that its preventing me from taking care of my business, etc, and its starting to have consequences.

i'm really blown away by the fact that this has happened, i mean, it wasn't that long i was taking them, but i guess my body has an exceptional love of
opiates.

i don't know, if anyone could give me any info or advice about this, if they can confirm that they've had a similar experience with this evil stuff,
that would really help to set my mind at ease.

thank you, and blessings and strenght to you all in your own struggles.
j.