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divvd · 08-28-2009, 11:52 AM

hello, soberrecovery.com. my name's david, and i'm an addict. i also have bipolar type II with titches of borderline mixed in for good measure.

i'm uninsured, unemployed, and recently came unhinged. example: it's taken me about 10 minutes to write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite these first two 'paragraphs,' and i typically type at well over 100 words per minute and almost never have troubles articulating my thoughts.

i've been sober from my good ol' DOC, meth, since June 15th. aside from the expected anxiety associated with the comedown, i've been riding a splendid hypomanic wave which had me writing poetry again, producing music again, and just being...me.

then something happened. poof. i'm in the worst mixed state i believe i have ever been in. crying jags segueing into squealing highs which jump to balled fists and fits of rage, irritability, non-sequiturs, stilted speech and fractal thought patterns. i have had a constant headache and constant screeching, rushing thoughts inciting these emotions now for at least a week.

music helps, til i get about a minute in and i start picking apart what a talentless hack i am because i'll surely never be able to produce music of any quality whatsoever.

meditation? please. i can't stop the thinking. i just can't.

aromatherapy? no dice.

talking to friends? i start out fine, then want to yell at them for no reason, but restrain myself, and then piercing pain cuts through my head and i have to leave or end the conversation.

it goes deeper than that, i don't know if i'm really getting my point across-- don't really know if i do have a point. again, this articulation of thoughts is beyond me. i'm retyping and retyping every sentence until i'm sure it makes sense.

i guess i do have a point to posting this: does anyone have suggestions/homeopathic solutions which have worked for them? i'm just scared it's never going to end. i know it's almost silly to say, but it's my valid feeling.

anyone have some words of advice?

anything would help--

thank you,

david.

08-28-2009, 11:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
divvd Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Layton, UT Posts: 7	help? hello, soberrecovery.com. my name's david, and i'm an addict. i also have bipolar type II with titches of borderline mixed in for good measure. i'm uninsured, unemployed, and recently came unhinged. example: it's taken me about 10 minutes to write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite these first two 'paragraphs,' and i typically type at well over 100 words per minute and almost never have troubles articulating my thoughts. i've been sober from my good ol' DOC, meth, since June 15th. aside from the expected anxiety associated with the comedown, i've been riding a splendid hypomanic wave which had me writing poetry again, producing music again, and just being...me. then something happened. poof. i'm in the worst mixed state i believe i have ever been in. crying jags segueing into squealing highs which jump to balled fists and fits of rage, irritability, non-sequiturs, stilted speech and fractal thought patterns. i have had a constant headache and constant screeching, rushing thoughts inciting these emotions now for at least a week. music helps, til i get about a minute in and i start picking apart what a talentless hack i am because i'll surely never be able to produce music of any quality whatsoever. meditation? please. i can't stop the thinking. i just can't. aromatherapy? no dice. talking to friends? i start out fine, then want to yell at them for no reason, but restrain myself, and then piercing pain cuts through my head and i have to leave or end the conversation. it goes deeper than that, i don't know if i'm really getting my point across-- don't really know if i do have a point. again, this articulation of thoughts is beyond me. i'm retyping and retyping every sentence until i'm sure it makes sense. i guess i do have a point to posting this: does anyone have suggestions/homeopathic solutions which have worked for them? i'm just scared it's never going to end. i know it's almost silly to say, but it's my valid feeling. anyone have some words of advice? anything would help-- thank you, david.