SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Members with less than 2 weeks -Part 9

grrrr · 08-21-2009, 04:28 AM

Hi all, I am back. I have been going between sober life and not so sober life and working with a counselor.

For the last 3 weeks or so I have been slipping into too many old routines. I was proud of who I became without alcohol and then lost sight of that. Going out last night I saw the same brash, over-drinking, over-confident about nothing, individual that I no longer want to be.

I can write down or say out loud that moderation doesn't work for me, but I think that I am finally starting to hear it. My life is so unfulfilling with drugs and alcohol as my friends. And they slowly, slowly, become my best and only friends with no room for me. I can't believe I let them back into my life so fully in the last few weeks. I mean, I can intellectually, but I will take this feeling with me into the future to remember just how easily the deception can creep up.

I started on this thread last October in my first successful attempt at some sober time. As I come up on my year of 'trying' it seems time to make a decision. I like being sober better than the alternative. Period. I am done fighting within myself anymore. There is no argument over whether a drink or a drug will make me feel 'better'. It just doesn't.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know many of us here are struggling and it helps me to hear all of your stories. I am happy to be back hanging around SR and making the decision to take my life back.

08-21-2009, 04:28 AM	#28 (permalink)
grrrr being me Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: CA Posts: 252	Hi all, I am back. I have been going between sober life and not so sober life and working with a counselor. For the last 3 weeks or so I have been slipping into too many old routines. I was proud of who I became without alcohol and then lost sight of that. Going out last night I saw the same brash, over-drinking, over-confident about nothing, individual that I no longer want to be. I can write down or say out loud that moderation doesn't work for me, but I think that I am finally starting to hear it. My life is so unfulfilling with drugs and alcohol as my friends. And they slowly, slowly, become my best and only friends with no room for me. I can't believe I let them back into my life so fully in the last few weeks. I mean, I can intellectually, but I will take this feeling with me into the future to remember just how easily the deception can creep up. I started on this thread last October in my first successful attempt at some sober time. As I come up on my year of 'trying' it seems time to make a decision. I like being sober better than the alternative. Period. I am done fighting within myself anymore. There is no argument over whether a drink or a drug will make me feel 'better'. It just doesn't. Thanks for letting me vent. I know many of us here are struggling and it helps me to hear all of your stories. I am happy to be back hanging around SR and making the decision to take my life back.