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Originally Posted by christin1225  Day six and still counting, still not sleeping either (though I'm going to give it another shot in a few minutes). I stayed up a little later than usual (midnight), hoping to sleep. I slept for almost an hour  and then laid in bed for what seemed like another two hours (during which time only fifteen minutes had passed). That was about 2.5 hours ago. I'm so tired that I'm walking around dizzy during the day. And now I'm whining. Sorry.
This evening, my husband and I were walking and he told me that he's proud of me because I haven't used. Of course, this past week hasn't been like it was the past couple of months. It's easier on the Sub. I would probably be in relapse again (especially considering the sleep situation) if not for the Sub. My counselor asked me if I feel like I'm cheating (being on the Suboxone) when I'm sitting in the rooms. Of course I do! After all, I know how impossible it was for me to resist relieving the obsession just a couple of weeks ago but, now, voila! I'm not using.
I know that it would help if I could find a way to start accepting this as a worthy means of getting clean instead of being ashamed that I haven't been able to get past the obsession without chemical assistance. |
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Suboxone is a strong drug, and though it gives the appearance that you are sober it is affecting your mind, body, and spirit. I was on it for three years and the detox is the worst I've ever experienced. You can read about it in detail on the post titled, Suboxone A Must Read. Please read that, and if you'd like any more in depth discussion on the topic I'd be glad to share with you.
With deepest concern and care,
Gerry (gtinney1)