[RedRuby]

I quit straight for two months, April and May. June I broke up with my non-smoker boyfriend, a major reason why I quit in the first place. I had my first smoke since quitting the day I dumped him. And it's been on and off since then...mostly on these days.
I've been smoking alot. I went 4 days this month without. My new best girl friend, she just started smoking a couple months ago, and we kind of smoke together alot, but she seems to be quitting now. I should again. I know I can. I did it. I just got back into it, slowly, then more and more over the past couple months.
First it was smoking only when drinking, not buying packs, just bumming off others. Then I saw my family, and they all smoke, so I smoked. Then I came home from vacation and wanted to smoke.
I could go days without...wasn't a problem. It was like i could smoke if I wanted to, but I didn't *have* to. I didn't feel the urges.

But now I've been smoking every day, even when I'm not drinking at the bars with my friends. Just driving. Or doing nothing. I've been smoking again.
I'm out of cigs. I'm really trying hard to be quit again. I don't want to waste my money on another pack. I don't want to smell and taste like it again.

I just wish I hadn't given in that night I broke up with him and inhaled my first smoke after two clean months. It felt so awful, gross, and stung, but now it feels like nothing...like it always did before I quit.
I'm so disappointed in myself.