[FightingIrish]

I have been right where you are. I'm 23 months myself. I was obsessing about the very same things you are. I finished the steps around 6 months sober, but I was still having these thoughts.

Anything my sponsor or anyone else said to calm me down resulted in my response, "yes, I know, but..." It wasn't that I was disagreeing, I knew how irrational my thoughts were, but I could not stop feeling that way.

I have never really benefited from therapy, but I am open to it. I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed for me. I went on a mood stabilizer - lamotrigine - which greatly reduced these episodes with no side effects whatsoever. I stopped taking it about a month ago and I feel great.

What I also did during that time was to practice what I had experienced once during the steps. I am still discovering work that I can do...amends, service, carrying the message.

In general I noticed that these moods struck me when I wasn't feeling particularly useful. When I wasn't getting external validation from work, friends, family, you name it. So while I think the medication greatly helped, without the step work I don't know if I'd have been able to be free of medication in such a short period of time.

What I have found is that the thoughts are still lurking around, but they "throb" less.

Hope this helps.

M