[gravity]

I have been sober for 20 months & have been working the steps with the guidance of my sponsor.

It seems that my sobriety has revealed perhaps a deeper issue – extreme obsessive thinking.

When I was drinking, I thought obsessively about alcohol – my next drink, quitting drinking, losing my job over drinking, losing my family over drinking etc. – alcoholic obsession.

And in the past 20 months, I have been doing the same thing over different issues. The stock market collapse (I’ll lose everything!), a relatives drinking situation (she is going to die!), major home renovation emergencies (my house will be condemned!), winter driving (I’m going to get into a major accident!), and currently my marriage (I am losing her!). And you know, it all turns out to be delusion but it seems so real at the time. And it is affecting the people around me, especially my poor wife.

I take one normal life challenge (or even a harmless event) and turn it into the absolute worst case scenario. The anxiety can get so bad that I shake (happened only a few times) and of course have a hard time sleeping. I am not in this mental state all the time but when it hits, it can last a couple of days. The feelings I experience are some of the worst I have ever felt (mind you, not as bad as coming to after a bender). Conversely, I have been able to handle real difficult situations with a sort of calmness & grace (eg. my fathers death, my cousins suicide).

My sponsor suggested prayer & stepwork which does help to a point but some days are just so difficult. Keeping busy helps too but this is only a band-aid solution. And I have to admit that I have recently had those thoughts: “This is just so hard. A couple of drinks will take the edge off.”

Yesterday, I called the local counseling unit. I spoke to the head counselor and based on what little I told him he indicated that he really wants to work with me. He will call me Monday to set up an appointment: assessment (maybe I'm getting ahead of myself - eg. self-diagnosis) & treatment options (possibly including drugs). I do feel very hopeful but realize that I have to be patient (one day at a time is critical right now).

I have a couple of questions:

Has anyone quit drinking & worked the steps and discovered that there are deeper psychological issues at play? What did you do (beyond the 12 steps) & how did things work out?

Also, do you think that there is any conflict between, say, the 12 steps and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Personally, I believe that this ties into Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Perhaps my Higher Power is pointing me down the counseling path to remove my obsessive thinking. And I am getting another lesson in humility!

Any comments appreciated.

By the way, not my intent to worry anybody. I'm sorta okay right now & I’ll get through this. My Higher Power is with me.