[baldjim]

first let me just say i really dont know if i believe in god or not

i have had to watch my daughter natasha die and i thought carrying her coffin to her grave was the hardest thing i would ever have to do

i have had two younger brothers die

i have watched my mum die from cancer

my partner has died twice and been permantly disfigured (on the body) and left semi disabled by a botched hospital operation

i have had it tough .. but all these things have made me stronger and i believe a kinder more caring person

now in my later years i have to face the biggest test any person anywhere will have to face ,but due to the pain i have had to bare i feel strong enough to face it ,sure i cry i'm devastated but i know i wont crumble i will be strong ,i will be there for the one and indeed loved ones that will need me in the next few years

then a thought hit me today like a ton of bricks

i would not be able to get through this without all the pain and hurt my tortured soul has endured

maybe god did not forsake me when i needed him most maybe he was preparing me so i could be the man i am when i am needed most

thoughts please