[gtinney1]

I'm so glad I found this site. There is a lot of bad info to be found on the net concerning discontinuance of this drug. I will not start by bragging about what drugs and quantities of them I have taken, but in order to gain your confidence in this matter I will say that I spent thirty years of my life in pharmaceuticals (breaking into pharmacies and medical facilities). I know drugs, and I've experienced more withdrawals then I could count or care to remember.
I found sobriety in 1997 in A.A. and related 12-step groups. I have about six one-year (of sobriety) medalions in my desk drawer, each of those representing a relapse sometime between one and two years sober. Even working the steps, having a sponsor, and going to meetings, I am a chronic relapser. So after my last episode, over three years ago, I went to an "addiction recovery" doctor, who, I found out later, also provides pain management. Seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? He put me on Suboxone, and I have been taking 24mg. a day for over three years. My insurance covered the visits and prescriptions so it seemed like a very good thing. Especially since this drug seemed to work wonders. I felt "normal". It didn't make me dopey but I felt good, and it did give me a little lift. Great!
The dosage was way too high and I was forgetting to breathe at night, so I saw a sleep speciallist to see if I had sleep apnea, and got some Xanax while I was there - a leathal combination with Suboxone. Well one thing leads to another, as you know. I started drinking too. The wonder drug wasn't working wonders. Even before all this extracurricular began I was beginning to notice a change in my personality. I didn't know who I was anymore. The core of my being was saturated with this powerful drug. It was the rock on which I stood - which was really more like sandstone, flecked with fools-gold.
I told my doctor I wanted to start getting off of it. He recommended reducing the dose by 2mg per month. That means it would take a whole year to get off this stuff. I couldn't do that. I was already messing up. Drove my truck into a ditch and got a DUI from the Xanax incident. I was breaking my wife's heart, and I could have killed somebody, including myself.
I had tried in the past to reduce my dosage on my own, but I was unable to function. I was confused, sick, irate, and irrational, and I have a business and a wife I would like to keep, thanks to God and A.A., so before long I was right back to the dosage that worked (or didn't). I was in deep trouble. I was trapped.
I made a decision to get off this crap, a commitment to myself and no one else. I had once gone cold turkey from methadone while lying on the concrete floor of a county lock-up. If you can survive that you can survive anything. We're resilliant people. I have also been to expensive rehabs. Here's the deal, I got on-line to see what people do to get off Suboxone, since it's one drug I never had experience with before and wanted to know what to expect. There was a lot of drug talk, and in my opinion little helpful advice. People were giving these outrageous schedules like take 8mg. for three days then six mg. for one day, then eight for two days, and six for three days, etc. I gleened what helpful information I could, trying to dispell the fear as I read stories of lingering hell. I got on my knees and prayed to God to give me wisdom to do the right thing and to see me through this and lift me out of it. And I clung to that hope throughout, and still am. I decided to keep a journal to give an honest depiction for anyone seriously considering either taking or getting off of Suboxone. It was originally intended to be a "how to" for people seeking advice. But I made a drastic decision and took a drastic course that I do not recommend. I went from three 8mg tabs a day to two tabs for two days, to one tab, divided into two seperate doses for two days, to a half a tab for one day, and finally a quarter of a tab. Since it takes about two or three days for the bad stuff to start happening I was able to work up until the one tab day. Then the bedlam.
If you go to a detox ward they will give you a sedative, they will make you get out of bed and participate in activities. They may take you out to play volleyball, where you will witness how retarded drugs make people, which will help convince you that you don't want to be one of these shuffling, whining, crumbled pieces of humanity who can't even slap a ball over a net (of which I was one). They will try to make you eat and drink fluids. They will make you sit and listen to psycho-babble most of which you will not comprehend as you just want to go to bed and lie in your own little hell. You will be released before the sedatives are even out of your system, leaving you lost in a hopeless state disarray.
So here's what I do recommend : work with your doctor.
But if you are an addict like me, who never could take drugs as prescribed, I don't see how all of a sudden we will be able to stick to his prescribed reduced dosages. When I read "take one tablet every four hours" my brain thinks that means take four tablets every hour for optimum effect.
My main concern here is to help and not harm, so I'm stressing once again that I am not writing a prescription here. I'm trying hard to keep it in the context of what I did and what it was like for me, not necessarily what you should do, but hopefully you will find this information advantageous.
The following was written as a method to myself, and which I applied:
Get some A.A. literature, it's easy to locate. The Big Book and Daily Reflections specifically. Go to meetings and ask for help, but not during the actual meeting as there are some with prejudice toward addicts. There are many addicts there though so ask around. At least get some phone numbers so you will have someone to call when you need someone. When they tell you to call even if it's four in the morning they mean it.
N.A. may be great in some places, but down here there doesn't seem to be much recovery going on there. I felt like I was hanging out with a bunch of junkies who didn't have any dope. A.A. is the way. You may even find out that you might be an alcoholic. I am.
Make a commitment. You will need to take a minimum of a week off from work. It's been two weeks now that I've been unable to work. Thankfully I own my own business.
Get on your knees and pray, even if you don't believe in God (you will after you see His power work in your life). Ask Him to bring you through this ordeal safely, to give you strength and to restore your life to what He would want it to be. Begin your reduction and cling to this hope. Read your Spiritual and recovery materials. Probably should do this prior to the detox as well. If you are an addict but don't consider yourself an alcoholic, wherever you see the word "alcohol" exchange it with the drug you are currently struggling with. Alcohol is, after all, a drug. A sedative hypnotic. You will be amazed how much of yourself you will see in those books, and you will find the true nature of your dilemma and how to overcome it.
Do all the things they would have you do in rehab, i.e. Get out of bed, take showers, brush your teeth, eat if you can. Fresh fruit is best tolerated and is good for you, especially bananas -they provide potasium which will keep you from cramping. Drink LOTS of water. Do not take vitamin B or anything that will stimulate you such as coffee, cola, or power drinks. You will be wired to the walls already. DO NOT drink alcohol, or you may find yourself on the next episode of COPS, or worse. As soon as you are able, put on your tennis shoes and go for a run, but not on a busy street. Run, don't walk. This will help kick in your endorphins, the body's natural opiate. Try to do this every day. It will help. Make those phone calls and go to meetings as soon as you can. Ask someone to take you there. Don't drive, for now.
This is good advice for any detox.
Now, specifically relating to Suboxone. Hopefully there aren't many people out there who were on as high a dosage as I, or for as long a period as I was on it. I don't want to instill fear. Fear is the enemy! But I will now relate my experience with detoxing off Suboxone for information sake. There are still doctors out there claiming this to to be non-addictive or less-addictive than most narcotics. B!!! S!!!
Remember, I was on a high dosage and did a fast detox that no one in their right mind would endorse, but I was going to die from relapsing so I saw no other choice. As they say, individual results may vary.

I found detoxing from Suboxone far more mentally challenging than physically.
I experienced hot and cold flashes, chills and relatively minor aches. I was surprised that I had only a little diarrhea. In fact I was constipated up until about two weeks after my last dose. Then the diarrhea started. This stuff clings to your opiate receptors and doesn't want to go away. The detox is a test of endurance. In other words, it's going to be a long road.
The first night I was really going into withdrawals I went to bed with my wife and when she turned out the lights I felt like I was buried alive in the darkness, suffocating in it. I couldn't see anything besides the hallucinations flashing in my head. I had to get up. I have been staying in a separate room ever since. I found it beneficial to keep the t.v. on at low volume to help me sleep. Well, not really sleep. To keep the hallucinations somewhat in some sort of framework. I would find myself working diligently cutting straight the uneven edges of pieces of paper with a pair of scissors and think to myself, Why the hell am I bothering with this? Then open my eyes and find I am just laying in bed, still. One time my wife came in to check on me (God bless my wife) and while she was talking I thought I was brushing my teeth, but my arms were laying at my side. I could actually feel the toothbrush between my lips and my arm moving it up and down. These are just a couple of examples. Most of it is too crazy to even try to explain. This went on for three days and nights, to the best of my recollection. That's why the tv was beneficial, what I was hearing would at least keep my brain from going places I did not want to be, left on its own volition. When I shut my eyes it was like they were still open, only a few shades darker. I went six nights and seven days with no sleep at all. Roid Rage x 10 = I went for a run and it was very surreal. I feel like I'm on PCP mixed with steroids. I start to feel a little better sometimes then it comes in another wave and I'm jumping up and pacing and sitting back down, practically running in place while sitting on the couch, pounding the table and screaming in frustration. The blankets on my bed are tied in a knot from my spin cycle. My poor wife, God bless her soul. She's been very supportive and basically leaving me be, cooking for me; yes, I can finally eat after two weeks. She's a retired nurse, so she took my blood pressure and pulse when I thought I was going to pass out a couple times. I read a story of a lady who when detoxing from this stuff was concerned about her racing heart and was very offended when her doctor told her it was all in her head. He was right. She just took that the wrong way. My blood pressure and pulse were perfect. It was in my head. But not imaginary.
My wife (who has a painful medical condition) keeps her meds in a safe I'm unable to crack, short of blowing it up. My goal was to go completely clean, but it has become necessary to take an occasional sedative. As far as non-abuse potential sedatives go phenergan works pretty well, so she has dispenced one to me on occasion. It might help you get two or three hours of sleep. Benedryl might be good for one or two times, it helps with the watery eyes and sneezing and may help you sleep a little. But sometimes it can turn on you and make you figgity instead of drowsy. So use it sparingly. Unfortunately I have had to take a Valium a couple of times to keep from, or to stop me from being, totaly berzerk.
This is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. But I'm keeping my eye on the prize. I want my wife to have the man she married back. I owe that to her. Wonderful woman. And I want to be the man that I was when I was sober. Suboxone is not sobriety. It's a cheap (expensive) imitation. It's the worst drug I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. I'll take methadone withdrawals on a concrete floor any day of the week over this.
I'm keeping in touch with an old A.A. friend. I made it to a meeting. Reading my Bible and Big Book. I'm clinging to God, whom I trust with my life. He's the reason I have a home, a business, a wife, and even my life, and that I'm sitting in my office typing on my computer and not out working in a field at Angola State Penitentiary.
I know this has been long, but I wanted to be as informative as possible. I hope this post will offer insight, hope, and courage to someone who is as desperate as I, and knowledge to those curious if this drug would be a good option for them. I know it sounds scary. It is. But be brave. The benefits of freedom from this horrible addiction far outweigh the hardship. He who makes the sun to shine and breathes the breath of life into the world has the power to deliver us onto the path of life and to keep us from harm. Be brave.
The trick is to keep trusting Him even after the crisis is over. That's where I fall short. I get busy and become "self sufficient". This time I'm hanging with the old timers (A.A.s with long sobriety). I want to be that guy.

P.S. My wife just informed me that it was fourteen days ago that I flushed the remainder of my Suboxone down the toilet (she wrote it down), which was two days after I took my last quarter of a tablet. So I must be doing pretty well if I can add that up to sixteen days off of it. Still pinging off the walls though. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
One other thing, if you are thin you may want to bulk up before detoxing. I lost eight pounds in two weeks. For me that's a benefit.

I will amend this when when I am fully back to normal. In the mean-time if I can offer any moral support to anyone please let me know. I don't usually spend a lot of time on the computer so if I don't respond promptly hang in there. Look forward to seeing you all on the sunny side! Gerry (gtinney1)