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McGowdog · 08-14-2009, 08:14 AM

Something else that has been shown to me is the importance of getting clear on the harm. I do that in the 8th Step and become willing to make amends for that. This is where I'm using Sacraments of Pennance to help out.

If you go to someone to make amends, you had better be clear on the harm or you should not even make the approach. Once in a great while, someone from A.A. will actually come to you and make amends to you. The one thing you have a right to is to ask them if they are clear on the harm before they make the amend.

If you go to someone clear on the harm, and maybe even have a clue as to what you might do to set it straight, you're headed in the right direction.

When I approach them, I see if it's a convenient time for them to hear me out or to set the meeting up beforehand. I tell them basically why I'm there and usually say it's what I do to stay sober. I may or may not mention A.A. I tell them this is what I did to harm them. I ask them if they would add to that or if they want to tell me how that affected them (not always, depends on the moment), then I ask them what I can do to set it right. If appropriate, I offer something right there. If it's a monetary amend, I lead with the caysh. "Here's 100 dollars. Can I pay you X-dollars per month until it's paid off?" I arrange the best deal. Then when I'm done, I wish them well and get the flock out of there and leave them alone.

Be brief, be brilliant, be gone.

08-14-2009, 08:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
McGowdog Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Southern Colorado Posts: 1,174	Something else that has been shown to me is the importance of getting clear on the harm. I do that in the 8th Step and become willing to make amends for that. This is where I'm using Sacraments of Pennance to help out. If you go to someone to make amends, you had better be clear on the harm or you should not even make the approach. Once in a great while, someone from A.A. will actually come to you and make amends to you. The one thing you have a right to is to ask them if they are clear on the harm before they make the amend. If you go to someone clear on the harm, and maybe even have a clue as to what you might do to set it straight, you're headed in the right direction. When I approach them, I see if it's a convenient time for them to hear me out or to set the meeting up beforehand. I tell them basically why I'm there and usually say it's what I do to stay sober. I may or may not mention A.A. I tell them this is what I did to harm them. I ask them if they would add to that or if they want to tell me how that affected them (not always, depends on the moment), then I ask them what I can do to set it right. If appropriate, I offer something right there. If it's a monetary amend, I lead with the caysh. "Here's 100 dollars. Can I pay you X-dollars per month until it's paid off?" I arrange the best deal. Then when I'm done, I wish them well and get the flock out of there and leave them alone. Be brief, be brilliant, be gone.