Well...I just lost everything I took all the time to wright out...no problem...the condensed version will do.
So I'm returning to therapy after a long hiatus. What I have to look forward to is more CBT therapy. What I don't look forward is more CBT therapy. Why...because I have been told over and over again by (the regular reloving door of CBT therapist) that what I need is psychoanalytical therapy. And being on SSI I have yet to find a psychoanalytical therapist that takes my government insurance....Oh but in Hollywood...there are plenty that take cash.
So here's the deal...I have compulsive behaviors that completely mystify me. I act out and have then the aftermath to deal with. Which CBT therapy is effective in dealing with...the aftermath that is...as for my experience.
I've tried 12-step methods to deal with this condition...but as it is now, that only grievously aggravates the situation. In fact I have acted out with my compulsion to the point of engaging in self-harm when trying some 12-step stuff to quell my acting-out...so that a no-no for now.
Now...the best I can describe this is having a
hijacked brain. Everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters not...it happens, then...I pick up the shattered bits...and carry on the best I can. Oh then afterward, everything I know, have learned, experienced in recovery, Zen, spiritual mysticism, HP's and whatever...matters...strange paradox.
At my best, which is often enough to make life more than endurable, is a lofty sanctification. Not a bad deal between the periodic utter madness and the joy of the often celebrated mundane....mundane? Just normal living for me...I'll take that anytime I can get it.
So...lets see...I hope to keep my thread open and on going...that would be a very big deal for me to do.
And now some dancing bananas...
