[chrisfire]

Counseling meeting went sour, I stood up for myself and said you know, I have some personal things I need to work on, that I needed some individual therapy, and the couples counselor said she didn't think she'd be any help to us for now. As we were leaving, my mate was struggling to keep it together, because I told him I was getting ready to crash soon, I had to get off this rollercoaster and stop the stress drinking.
And I put on my big girl pants and went to my Al-Anon meeting. I talked more than usual, but said nothing about what I was going through.
I kept reading the Serenity prayer over and over on the wall..Courage kept replaying over in my head. I didnt know if I had the courage to break from the real love of my life and deal with my real life.
But I did it. I just did it. And its taking all I have right now to not drink. I'm not sure if I will win this one tonite. Courage hurts. Sorry guys, I know I sound like a blubbering fool..the thought that I may never see this person again, my fireman love that drinks too much for me to be around.
I told him that I was going to Al-Anon to try to learn to love him and not get sucked into his lifestyle but it was unhealthy, all of it, as much as I wanted to change my life to be with him..gave him the website, who knows if he'll check in. I don't know.
And my mate, God bless him, he held me as I bawled my eyes out. I am so grateful that he can still love me after all the heartbreak I have put him through by falling in love with someone else. It's amazing how my mate can stand by me through all this. His love is so strong when I am so utterly weak. I don't deserve him.